2002-02-23 - 1:19 a.m.

i am so tired of stupid political bands. for once i would just like to hear a band brag about how unintelligent or apathetic they are. well, and still be good of course.

it's music, don�t go ruining it by putting your stupid thoughts into it. you're not doing anything to change it. so that makes you on the same level as awful rap groups whining about gang wars or stupid christian bands whining about jesus or whatever.

that being said here is james's guide to becoming a political band.

james's guide to becoming a political band

first off you need yourself an angle. something all your gutter punk fans can relate to and come to expect from you

ie: americans against america, americans against capitalism, foreigners against america and capitalism, foreigners against americans who are against america and capitalism.

now with that out of the way you have to pick a genre.

now do you want to be punk rockers? maybe you should be all mod rock? maybe you can even be a indie-mod-punk-rock-funk-jazz-babershop quartet style band. either way you must stick to it and pump out as much sound-a-like songs as you possibly can.

you have too, your fourteen year old fans have money burning holes in their pockets! its your duty to america!

next off you must be signed, preferably on a label of another policrock (name from here on) band that has become moderately successful, maybe even a label that they started.

on to the shows, now you must have a look. something for your fans to copy. without you they would be nothing, they need you to fashionably guide them in the policrock way.

it also happens to be absolutely necessary to have a guy in the back selling books on whatever belief system your band happens to be preaching.

you must also stop a minimum of once every four songs to spout out a policrock catch phrase and state that your book guy (now wave to him) is sitting in the back just itching to take their money.

and finally at the end of the show, plug your merchman/woman (waving is optional) and get off stage go buy a beer and talk to your adoring fans. unless you're an idiot, see the majority of your fans think you are an absolute genius, but if you talk to them they might find out just how stupid you are and start hating you and you can't let that happen.

in case of this, skip the beer buying part and make a mad dash for your bus, maybe take in some television.

tip: cnn = future song ideas

that�s it for my super lame guide

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