2001-12-25 - 4:34 a.m.

lately i have been debating dropping out of college.

this is actually an odd thought. i am one of the rare few that actually wanted to go to college. i dont go because i feel that i have to. i dont believe that it is the only way to have a future. besides i never even planned on having a future anyway. i already threw out the notion of having a past. i go because i want to. i thought that by going to college i would be able to make an actual person of myself. my parents dont push me to go and they have never tried to hold me back on anything.

i just want to leave. i want out of this house i dont understand why. i have just as many rules for me here as i would if i was living by myself.

but there is nothing for me here. nothing new to experience and i am tired of feeling like a tourist in life experiencing all the things i was told i should while i am here.

love, family, sucess, wealth

its all crap anyway and the only feeling that i have anymore is being tired.

family is annoying anyway. i feel more family with my friends than i do with people of my bloodline. even now with my brother, always being in his life because we share the same blood, but as i watch him with his "buddies" i would rather be his friend than his brother.

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